I saw myself in the mirror this morning.<\/p>\n
My reflection reminded me of a pair of pants I had long, long ago. They were light blue (if not burnt orange). The legs flared (moderately) at the feet end. I think they were the only B3<\/sup><\/b> (bell-bottom britches) I ever owned.<\/p>\n This morning I sadly noticed again that my pants now flare…at the opposite end. \ud83d\ude2f<\/p>\n That eventually provoked another memory — this from an annual family reunion (as I recall). As I was greeting a couple of uncles (whose names are here changed to protect the…ah…innocent), Uncle Sam, pointing to Uncle Gary, says to me, “Did you know he has furniture disease?”<\/p>\n Gulp!<\/i> I had no<\/b> idea. \ud83d\ude41<\/p>\n Trying to strike a balance between caution and concern, I admitted I didn’t.<\/p>\n “Yeah, furniture disease,” says Uncle Sam gleefully, “his chest fell into his drawers!”<\/p>\n Serious stuff, man. Amazingly (in hindsight), Uncle Sam didn’t go on to declare that Uncle Gary wears real bell-bottom pants.<\/p>\n Speaking of belled pants, we also have the matter of panted belles. They’re all over the place. And most people think nothing of it.<\/p>\n But let a skirted non-belle show up at school and he’s sure to get the boot. Yep, I saw a headline about just that over at Drudge earlier this morning.<\/p>\n If a girl may wear pants to school, why mayn’t a boy wear a skirt to school?<\/p>\n If panted belles are OK, why not skirted buoys?<\/p>\n Well, back to my opening dilemma. I suspect the solution isn’t all that complicated: eat less and exercise more.<\/p>\n Having bell-bottomed pants just can’t be a good sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I saw myself in the mirror this morning. My reflection reminded me of a pair of pants I had long, long ago. They were light blue (if not burnt orange). The legs flared (moderately) at the feet end. I think they were the only B3 (bell-bottom britches) I ever owned. This morning I sadly noticed … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[395,14],"tags":[630,971],"class_list":["post-2428","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dumb-and-such","category-health","tag-culture","tag-food"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/prJUJ-Da","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2428","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2428"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2428\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}