{"id":2515,"date":"2012-09-06T12:43:39","date_gmt":"2012-09-06T19:43:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/?p=2515"},"modified":"2012-09-06T12:48:42","modified_gmt":"2012-09-06T19:48:42","slug":"presumption-behold-i-thought","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eaf.net\/mvp\/2012\/presumption-behold-i-thought\/","title":{"rendered":"Presumption: “Behold, I Thought”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Naaman was mad. Very angry, in fact.<\/p>\n

It’s no wonder. He had a huge, monstrous, humanly-insurmountable need.<\/p>\n

He had come a long way for a solution. And a divine solution at that. He’d had plenty of time to develop a certain scenario, a specific sequence of events that should transpire.<\/p>\n

In other words, he had his own idea on how things were going to happen and what God was going to do. He had come up with something pretty nifty, really:<\/p>\n

“But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper”<\/em> (2 Kings 5:11).<\/p>\n

Can’t you empathize with Naaman?<\/p>\n

I sure can, even if only just a little bit and for only a little bit. And then only in my weaker, downer moments.<\/p>\n

I mean, look. I know what my urgent, desperate, dire need is. I have figured out what God needs to do. And I have faith that He will do it. So I try hard to live accordingly.<\/p>\n

Then it doesn’t work out. As I was told, I asked<\/a>, yet my need continues. Only worse. And I wonder what God is up to. “Behold, I thought!”<\/em> I think.<\/p>\n

I get my own twinges of anger. Well, no, not really. Not anger. More like despair and frustration and discouragement. Or do I mean cynicism and disillusionment and fear? Maybe it’s just dejected, baffled confusion. But it’s still not right to entertain such thoughts toward God and His ways. I try to disown, reject, and banish such evil thinking. I don’t want my hourly follies<\/a> to multiply, unchecked and unforgiven.<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, a thought remains, niggling, mocking, hissing: “I guess what I thought was faith and discernment was only presumption and delusion. Too bad.”<\/p>\n

Will I be left with ever-smaller pieces? Of certitude. Of confidence. Of direction. Of I-know-God’s-will-in-this-so-I’ll-live-it-out faith. “I can do nothing<\/a>,” I moan.<\/p>\n

Do you know what I mean?<\/p>\n

I’m sure God is up to good. And only good.<\/p>\n

I told Him I want His best. Because I trust Him.<\/p>\n

And yet…I certainly no longer know what else I should be asking for.<\/p>\n

So I just ask for His best. And I ask for His help. More of His help. Above what I can ask or think. Far beyond what I deserve.<\/p>\n

I know that if He helped me only to the extent I deserve, He wouldn’t help me at all. And if He hadn’t helped me at all, my situation would be even more dire. Actually, I would have ceased to be long ago. So He helps me even when it seems He overlooks me.<\/p>\n

Do you still know what I mean?<\/p>\n

Well, this connects with my Caused to Hope<\/a> post.<\/p>\n

Come to think of it, it must be time to smile<\/a>! So I did. I just did smile. At my monitor. For God. For me.<\/p>\n

Maybe I should sing<\/a> too.<\/p>\n

I say, “Yes!”<\/a> But can I serve God without fear<\/a>? Or at least despite my fear? Hard questions, those.<\/p>\n

I close with another question: What will it take to turn you from God?<\/a> By His grace, nothing.<\/p>\n

I wasn’t going to call attention to this lament on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and\/or Google+. I was even going to skip the usual automatic email to blog subscribers! But I’ve changed my mind. Maybe it will be helpful to someone.<\/p>\n

I know I was going to close above. I also know I’ve already thrown lots of links at you, but here are two more:<\/p>\n